Homeward Bound

Wednesday, August 12, 2015
By Ellen Livia - 11:51 AM


...
Bind me not to the pasture
Chain me not to the plow
Set me free to find my calling
And I'll return to you somehow

If you find it's me you're missing
If you're hoping I'll return,
To your thoughts I'll soon be listening,
And in the road I'll stop and turn

Then the wind will set me racing
As my journey nears its end
And the path I'll be retracing
When I'm homeward bound again
...

Homeward Bound - Mormon Tabernacle Choir 


Pagi ini aku mendapat pesan kembali dari Mom, seperti biasanya. Lega rasanya ketika tahu operasi Mom sudah selesai. Tadi pagi perasaan gundah itu masih ada. Aku berangkat ke sekolah seperti sedia kala. Kulanjutkan membaca bacaan singkat mengenai pengalaman seseorang yang juga baru berkelana dan mengalami sindrom Homesick part 2. Aku tenggelam dalam bacaan itu, teringat sosok Mom yang sedang menjalani perawatan di rumah sakit. Salah satu temanku membuyarkan lamunanku walau aku sedang memegang buku, memerintahkanku untuk menyiapkan barisan karena bel akan berdering sebentar lagi. Aku hanya diam dan tidak menggubris, dia mulai meneriakkiku dengan kata yang aku rasa tidak pantas. Aku memandangnya dan berkata, "Nanti aja, beri saya waktu". Dia diam, akupun terdiam juga. Tak lama dia tetap meneriakiku lagi secara tidak sopan, lagi.

Rasa kesal itu ada, bercampur dengan rasa rindu yang sudah tak terbendung. Ivana datang dan memberikanku pelukan. 

She literally knew what I need. She was standing right next to me while I was sitting on the chair. My head was under her chest. I couldn't handle my self so I just cried while I hugged her. She asked me if I was comfortable talking about it in the girls restroom. I heard the same guy that yelled at me earlier saying, "Cengeng" with a Woooo sound. If i were him, I would just shut my mouth up, like seriously can you not?

I haven't talk about what I felt about my post-exchange feeling to anybody in real person. Not that I don't have time about it. It's just I haven't met the right person to talk about it, or might be right situation. Like I don't wanna cry and be that melting-cheesy kind of person in front of someone that I barely know. And it's my problem, not their problem. Most people only interested in these kinds of questions "How do you ngehedon in US?" , "Wah jalan-jalan mulu nih", "Cerita dong seru yaa". I don't wanna give them a bad impression about my experience in US. I realize that people always expect more, and I don't wanna lower their expectation. I guess, even my mom and my sister are too tired to listen to this melancholy part of Ellen. 

Ivana was the right person, she is my close friend and she has been through the same thing. We talked for a while, she let me talk and I appreciated that. It's true that adapting post-exchange is more difficult than adapting during the exchange year itself. Most people in my host-community understood when I cried because I miss my family so much, because they knew that I left home. I remember that day I was in choir class, Aurora (an exchange student from Norway) was crying when we sang Homeward Bound. Most of the choir student supported and gave her a hug. FYI, It was a big class with about 90 people.
Then the wind will set me racing
As my journey nears its end
And the path I'll be retracing
When I'm homeward bound again

 I realize that it is different now. Like people won't think that I miss another home, they knew that  I am home already. This is my home. But I knew that I had another home.

Home is where the heart is
- The Hobbit


Thanks those people who made me stronger day by day.


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